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by Nana.We are each a three-part being. We are made up of a spirit, a soul, and a body. All three parts are interconnected, and it is very important that all three parts of our being are healthy. The soul is made up of the mind, will, and emotions. Emotional health works hand in hand with spiritual health and the health of the body. Unhealed emotional trauma can cause the body to start manifesting illness and disease. The Bible says that “God wants us to prosper and be in health even as our soul prospers.” (3 John 1:2.) So emotional health plays a huge part in our physical health.I personally grew up in a very dysfunctional home, so I was clueless about the components of emotional health. I had to learn to pay attention to my emotions, validate them, discern why I was feeling a particular emotion and gain wisdom on how to deal with them in a healthy manner. Stuffed and improperly maintained emotions can be like a beach ball that we are trying to hide underwater. Eventually, those unprocessed emotions make that beach ball so huge that it can no longer be held under, and it comes blasting out of the water! The markers for emotional health are not necessarily what first comes to mind.[caption id="attachment_17944" align="aligncenter" width="572"]
Beach Ball (123rf.com)[/caption]It’s not age that makes for emotional maturity, a successful business or accumulated wealth, a worldwide ministry, or being born again or filled with the Holy Spirit that makes us emotionally mature. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians, “Though I speak in tongues of man and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”Emotional maturity needs to be learned through self-awareness, emotional healing, renewing of our minds with scripture and learning how to express ourselves in a controlled, respectful manner.
ForgivenessI became a person who learned to say, “I am so sorry, please forgive me; I was wrong.” We are all imperfect people. We need to learn to forgive others who have wronged us and ask for forgiveness when we have been in the wrong. I have learned forgiveness is mandatory, but reconciliation is not mandatory. We have the option concerning reconciliation and should not be in relationships with people who continually hurt us physically, emotionally, or spiritually.[caption id="attachment_17946" align="aligncenter" width="545"]
Sorry. (123rf.com)[/caption]Accept Critique GracefullyAnother skill I had to learn was to receive correction without getting defensive, accusatory, or blaming someone else (no matter how the correction was “wrapped!”) Sometimes correction is not given in the Oreo Cookie Method; just like an Oreo cookie has frosting inside the chocolate cookies, correction should be wrapped in love comments at the beginning and the end, with the frosting on the inside being the correction comment. This is optimal but sometimes it’s not wrapped in love, (sometimes its wrapped in anger) and I had to learn to remain calm and keep listening. Sometimes we need to ask questions to get clarification. Calm DiscussionsI have learned that emotionally mature people can have a discussion without raising their voices or getting angry while they continue to work toward a mutually agreeable solution. Speaking in anger does a lot of damage. There was a father whose son was having all sorts of angry outbursts. He took him outside behind their tall fence and gave him a bag of nails. He told him to hammer all the nails into the fence; when the boy had completed the task, the father had him pull all the nails out of the fence. He then asked the boy what he saw. The boy said he saw a lot of holes in the fence. The father, in his wisdom, told the boy that anger leaves irreparable holes in people’s hearts that the anger is aimed at.Understanding AngerNow when it comes to my anger, I need to have the self-awareness to look at what is under the anger. Am I angry because I have been disrespected, my boundaries have been crossed, someone is trying to control me or manipulate me, or I am just not being heard or validated? Is this anger I am experiencing from trauma from my childhood or a more recent trauma? This is where self-awareness comes into play, by paying attention to negative emotions.The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26, “to be angry but to sin not.” It is not wrong to be angry, but it is wrong to aim that anger at someone else and blast them with harsh words in a harsh voice. I had to learn that to be emotionally mature meant that sometimes action needs to be taken to help facilitate change.Patience & PracticeSometimes, that means getting a mentor, taking a class, going to counseling, attending a seminar, or reading a book to gain wisdom. The Bible says, “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.” (Proverbs 1:5). I want to be known as a wise person, so it is worth taking the time and energy to make positive changes. I comfort myself with the thought that if I deal with “my junk,” it won’t be passed down to the next generation.I am not a counselor or a psychologist, but I have been making a conscious effort to work toward emotional maturity. I hope this is helpful and that you can be blessed by the wisdom that I have gained over my 74 years of life. Much love,Nana[caption id="attachment_17941" align="aligncenter" width="620"]
Much Love (123rf.com)[/caption]
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